"So another reason why I'm here is to brush up on my cultural knowledge! Y'know, gotta be totally righteous with you teeny boppers!" the old man chuckled, pointing at me with both hands.
"Please, never say that again," I said, muttering around the desk I'd slammed my face into. I was in a house with a vaguely predatory old man in a Hawaiian shirt who was spouting 80s slang. This was my life now.
"Alrighty, let's start writing!" Death clapped his hands.
"A will? How long would it take? I have a calculus exam tomorrow."
"Oh, you don't have to worry about that! We'll finish it soon!" Death cheerfully replied, while pulling out… was that my laptop? "While working on my little side project, of course."
I soon realized that I probably shouldn't have believed the man who barged into my house calling himself death incarnate.
…
"What do you not understand about this?!" Death cried. "We've been over this ten times!"
"And I keep telling you, I don't have any heirs!" I shot back.
Death covered his face with his hands. "Well maybe you should get some!"
"I'm sixteen!"
"A lot of countries consider sixteen year olds adults!"
"I don't consider myself an adult!"
The old man sighed, muttering something about how uptight mankind had become.
"Ok, we can skip that part. But on the bright side, you're almost there! So, who do you want as your executor?"
"My what?"
…
It had been a long and painful process, but I was finally done. I could stop now.
"Great job, kid!" Death chuckled. "We're halfway done!"
"Oh my g- you know what? Let's take a break."
…
"So what are these 'memes' I keep hearing about?"
"Please don't ask me that."
…
"I just realized that you guys sing a lot more about human anatomy now. Like the a-"
"Oh hey, look! Literally anything else! Let's pay attention to it."
…
"I keep seeing similarities between addictive drugs and this… Netflix you keep talking about," Death muttered.
"What are you talking about?! You have got to try it out! Once you try it, you think about it all the time and can't stop!" I cried.
"Uh-" Death uttered.
"You cannot deny the power of Netflix."
…
"What are fanfictions?"
"How did you get my laptop?"
"You're not answering my question."
…
Death and I hid under my desk.
"I DON'T CARE HOW MANY PIECES OF CANDY HE OFFERED!" my mother roared. "YOU DO NOT LET A STRANGE MAN INTO THE HOUSE!"
Groaning, I checked my watch. 6 in the evening.